Before (and even after) multiple rounds of various treatments your pain is invisible to everyone else. I do not think anyone will truly understand how you feel on the inside; physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. No one can truly understand what you are going through. See, I have been suffering from pain since 2016 and I always told myself that no one believed me, but what I am realizing now is that as humans it is hard for others to truly understand what you are going through. In December 2020 I had surgery but that does not mean I am 100% pain-free. Often you will find yourself being frustrated and overwhelmed, maybe even sad and anxious, and no one tells you that recovery is just as tough as the pain you have endured. At times it can feel like you will not make it through, you can often feel hopeless and want to give up, you may even give up at one point however, I want you to always remember that you are not alone and that you are strong. You do strong things every day, even on your worse days you have made it through. Whether you believe in God or not, you are not alone, there will always be someone that is walking with you on this journey even if right now you cannot feel them or see them or even know who it is.
Over the years, the key idea that I have learned is patience. See, as humans, we experience a lack of patience – you want to feel better and resume your normal life, you want to be able to go up and down the stairs alone, you want to put on socks without needed help, you want to not feel tired after doing an activity, you want to not get annoyed when you drop something or sit down and quickly realize you left your glasses in the other room, you want to quickly walk to the bathroom or sometimes just have enough energy to use crutches in the middle of the night, you want to feel happy and fulfilled, you do not want to feel defeated, you want to be able to have faith in yourself but mostly in God. You want your life back, the life you had before surgery, the life you had before the treatments, the life you had before you ever experienced pain. But, the truth is that in life pain is unavoidable, it is something that as humans we will endure and will have to learn to conquer. Something we can all do if we gave ourselves some grace.
Going back to my personal experience, someone once told me “This can be a challenge for you because you are a go-getter” and although this has been true, I remind myself that my physical and emotional body has just experienced a major trauma (any type of surgery that requires anesthesia is considered major trauma to the body), it needs time to heal and the only way to do that is to give it the rest it needs.
Patience can teach you a lot more than you think. With it, you are better equipped to deal with stressful and challenging moments in life and sometimes that includes the little things like waiting in line at the grocery store, parking as far as you can from the entrance, or even being able to communicate with a toddler. There are so many things in life that require patience and during it, there are endless opportunities for you to continue growing. Take this time to enjoy the things you love, for me it has been catching up with college gymnastics and softball. Your body is tired and it needs the rest. Cutting a handful of our hours from work or school may not be enough, sometimes you need more than that. As you continue to make the necessary changes remember that this is only temporary and take advantage of the opportunity you have now to sit back and enjoy the downtime you have, the time you have to recover. Take this reminder: recovery is not linear, and it is not quick. Sometimes we may be feeling good but the inside of us still needs time to heal. I am not asking you to sit in your pain forever but what I am telling you is to be patient with yourself. For me, patience = the more patience I have during recovery –> the better the success of my surgery.
